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tezlm 2024-07-28 06:37:14 -07:00
parent 01f070337e
commit af8480afb5
Signed by: tezlm
GPG key ID: 649733FCD94AFBBA
19 changed files with 913 additions and 91 deletions
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6
assets/wrapper.html
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@ -4,9 +4,9 @@
<title>{{title}}</title>
<meta charset="utf8" />
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">
<link rel="stylesheet" href="/assets/style.css?v={{cache.style}}"></link>
<link rel="stylesheet" href="/assets/code.css?v={{cache.code}}"></link>{{#essay}}
<link rel="stylesheet" href="/assets/essay.css?v={{cache.essay}}"></link>{{/essay}}
<link rel="stylesheet" href="/assets/style2.css?v={{cache.style}}" />
<link rel="stylesheet" href="/assets/code.css?v={{cache.code}}" />{{#essay}}
<link rel="stylesheet" href="/assets/essay.css?v={{cache.essay}}" />{{/essay}}
</head>
<body>
{{{body}}}

655
commits.txt Normal file
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@ -0,0 +1,655 @@
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
"Get that shit outta my master."
#GrammarNazi
$(init 0)
$(rm -rvf .)
(\ /)<br/>(O.o)<br/>(&gt; &lt;) Bunny approves these changes.
(c) Microsoft 1988
--help
-m \'So I hear you like commits ...\'
.
...
/sigh
50/50
640K ought to be enough for anybody
8==========D
:(:(
:q!
??! what the ...
A fix I believe, not like I tested or anything
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...
A tale of Dragons, Heroes and Legends...
ALL SORTS OF THINGS
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.
Actual final build before release
Add Sandbox
Added a banner to the default admin page. Please have mercy on me =(
Added another dependency
Added missing file in previous commit
Added some NullPointerExceptions - Happy easter, you bastards! :D
Added translation.
All your codebase are belong to us.
And a commit that I don't know the reason of...
And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Another bug bites the dust
Another commit to keep my CAN streak going.
Apparently works-for-me is a crappy excuse.
Argh! About to give up :(
Arrrrgggg
At times like this I wish I was a Garbage Man.
Automate Accounting
Batman! (this commit has no parents)
Become a programmer, they said. It'll be fun, they said.
Best commit ever
Bit Bucket is down. What should I do now?
Blaming regex.
By works, I meant 'doesnt work'. Works now..
COMMIT ALL THE FILES!
Can someone review this commit, please ?
Check next commit for message.
Chuck Norris Emailed Me This Patch... I'm Not Going To Question It
Code was clean until manager requested to fuck it up
Commit committed
Commit committed....
Committed some changes
Committing fixes in the dark, seriously, who killed my power!?
Committing in accordance with the prophecy.
Completed with no bugs...
Continued development...
Copy pasta fail. still had a instead of a
Copy-paste to fix previous copy-paste
Corrected mistakes
Crap. Tonight is raid night and I am already late.
DEAL WITH IT
DNS_PROBE_FINISHED_NXDOMAIN
Derp
Derp search/replace fuckup
Derp, asset redirection in dev mode
Derp. Fix missing constant post rename
Derpy hooves
Do things better, faster, stronger
Does anyone read this? I'll be at the coffee shop accross the street.
Does not work.
Does this work
Don't Ask Me, I Have No Idea Why This Works Either
Don't push this commit
Don't tell me you're too blind to see
Done, to whoever merges this, good luck.
Don’t even try to refactor it.
Don’t mess with Voodoo
Duh
Easteregg
Either Hot Shit or Total Bollocks
Errare humanum est.
FONDLED THE CODE
FOR REAL.
FUCKING XUPPERNAMEX
Feed. You. Stuff. No time.
Final commit, ready for tagging
Fingers crossed!
Finished fondling.
First Blood
Fix PC Load Letter Error
Fix all errors, all errors on the WORLD!!!!
Fix edge, single client, error case
Fix hard-coded [object Object] string (thanks!)
Fix my stupidness
Fix the fixes
Fixed Bug
Fixed a bug cause XNAMEX said to
Fixed a bug in NoteLineCount... not seriously...
Fixed a little bug...
Fixed compilation errors
Fixed errors
Fixed everything.
Fixed mispeling
Fixed so the code compiles
Fixed some shit
Fixed the build.
Fixed the fuck out of #XNUMX!
Fixed unnecessary bug.
Fixed what was broken.
Fixing XNAMEX's bug.
Fixing XNAMEX's bugs.
For great justice.
For real, this time.
For the sake of my sanity, just ignore this...
For the statistics only
Friday 5pm
Fuck it, YOLO!
Fucking egotistical bastard. adds expandtab to vimrc
Fucking submodule bull shit
Fucking templates.
Future self, please forgive me and don't hit me with the baseball bat again!
GIT :/
General commit (no IDs open) - Modifications for bad implementations
Git wants e to commit, I want to sleep. Take me sweet void.
Give me a break, it's 2am. But it works now.
Glue. Match sticks. Paper. Build script!
Gotta make you understand
Gross hack because XNAMEX doesn't know how to code
Handled a particular error.
Here be Dragons
Herp derp I left the debug in there and forgot to reset errors.
Herpderp, shoulda check if it does really compile.
Herping the derp
Herping the derp derp (silly scoping error)
Herping the fucking derp right here and now.
Herpy dooves.
Hide those navs, boi!
I CAN HAZ COMMENTZ.
I CAN HAZ PYTHON, I CAN HAZ INDENTS
I __ a word
I already said I was sorry
I am Root. We are Root.
I am Spartacus
I am even stupider than I thought
I am sorry
I am the greatest javascript developer in the world.
I can't believe it took so long to fix this.
I cannot believe that it took this long to write a test for this.
I did it for the lulz!
I don't believe it
I don't get paid enough for this shit.
I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
I don't know what the hell I was thinking.
I don't know what these changes are supposed to accomplish but somebody told me to make them.
I don't know why. Just move on.
I dont know what I am doing
I expected something different.
I forgot to commit... So here you go.
I had a cup of tea and now it's fixed
I hate this fucking language.
I have no idea what I'm doing here.
I honestly wish I could remember what was going on here...
I immediately regret this commit.
I just evaluated random code in my console
I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
I know what I am doing. Trust me.
I know, I know, this is not how I’m supposed to do it, but I can't think of something better.
I made leetle mistake
I must enjoy torturing myself
I must have been drunk.
I must sleep... it's working... in just three hours...
I really should've committed this when I finished it...
I should get a raise for this.
I should have had a V8 this morning.
I think now it works
I transformed a bug into a feature. Once you learn how, you'll never forget it
I understand that it's an antipattern, but it's convenient.
I was told to leave it alone, but I have this thing called OCD, you see
I was wrong...
I will not apologize for art.
I will run 'terraform fmt' before committing.
I would rather be playing SC2.
I'M PUSHING.
I'll explain this when I'm sober .. or revert it
I'll explain when you're older!
I'm guessing this may start causing us problems either soon or never.
I'm human
I'm hungry
I'm just a grunt. Don't blame me for this awful PoS.
I'm sorry.
I'm too foo for this bar
I'm too old for this shit!
I'm totally adding this to epic win. +300
ID:10T Error
IEize
If it's hacky and you know it clap you hands (clap clap)!
If it's stupid and it works, it ain't stupid
Improvements
Improving the fix
Insert Commit Message Here
Inside we both know what's been going on
Is there an achievement for this?
Is there an award for this?
Issue #XNUM10X is now Issue #XNUM30X
It Compiles! 50 Points For Gryffindor.
It compiles! Ship it!
It fucking compiles \:D/
It only compiles every XNUM2,5X tries... good luck.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times
It worked for me...
It works on my computer
It works!
It'd be nice if type errors caused the compiler to issue a type error
It's 2016; why are we using ColdFusion?!
It's Working!
It's getting hard to keep up with the crap I've trashed
It's possible! you can turn a 50-line code chunk into just 3 lines. Here's how
It's secret!
It's time to go home
Just committing so I can go home
Just stop reading these for a while, ok..
LAST time, XNAMEX, /dev/urandom IS NOT a variable name generator...
LOL!
LOTS of changes. period
Landed.
Last time I said it works? I was kidding. Try this.
Locating the required gigapixels to render...
Lock S-foils in attack position
Love coding? here's the secret reason why
Low On Caffeine, Please Forgive Coding Style
MOAR BIFURCATION
Made it to compile...
Major fixup.
Make Sure You Are Square With Your God Before Trying To Merge This
Make that it works in 90% of the cases. 3:30.
Merge pull my finger request
Merge pull request #67 from Lazersmoke/fix-andys-shit Fix andys shit
Merging 'WIP: Do Not Merge This Branch' Into Master
Merging the merge
Minor updates
Misc. fixes
Mongo.db was empty, filled now with good stuff
More ignore
Moved something to somewhere... goodnight...
My bad
My boss forced me to build this feature... Pure shit.
NOJIRA: No cry
NSA backdoor - ignore
Never Run This Commit As Root
Never before had a small typo like this one caused so much damage.
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna give, never gonna give
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Next time someone asks you how to fix an infinite loop, remember this commit
Nitpicking about alphabetizing methods, minor OCD thing
No changes after this point.
No changes made
No time to commit.. My people need me!
Nobody had ever created a function like this one before.
Not one conflict, today was a good day.
Not sure why
Nothing to see here, move along
Now added delete for real
Now it's all microservices, I hope the fad persists.
Now we tell you your browser sucks in your native tongue.
Obligatory placeholder commit message
Oh my god what year is it?!
Oh no
Ok
Ok, 5am, it works. For real.
One does not simply merge into master
One little whitespace gets its very own commit! Oh, life is so erratic!
One more time, but with feeling.
Only Tom Cruise knows why.
Out for vacation... DONT YOU DARE TO CALL ME.
PEBKAC
Peopleware Chapter 8: "You Never Get Anything Done around Here between 9 and 5."
Pig
Pipeline goes brrrrrrr
Please enter the commit message for your changes. Lines starting with '#' will be ignored, and an empty message aborts the commit.
Please forgive me
Please no changes this time.
Please our Lord and Savior the Great Linter.
Popping stash
Programming the flux capacitor
Push poorly written test can down the road another ten years
Put everything in its right place
QuickFix.
REALLY FUCKING FIXED
Refactor factories, revisit visitors
Refactored configuration.
Reinventing the wheel. Again.
Removed code.
Removed test case since code didn't pass QA
Removed the 2gb .hprof file from git history
Removing unecessary stuff
Replace all whitespaces with tabs.
Reset error count between rows. herpderp
Reticulating splines...
Revert "fuckup".
Revert "git please work"
Revert "just testing, remember to revert"
Revert this commit
Rush B!
SEXY RUSSIAN CODES WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL
SHIT ===> GOLD
SOAP is a piece of shit
Saint Pipeline, please give me the green light
Same as last commit with changes
See last commit
Shit code!
Shovelling coal into the server...
So my boss wanted this button ...
Some bugs fixed
Some shit.
Somebody set up us the bomb.
Something fixed
Spinning up the hamster...
Still can't get this right...
Stuff
Switched off unit test XNUM15X because the build had to go out now and there was no time to fix it properly.
TDD: 1, Me: 0
TODO: Fix later
TODO: Replace placeholder code
TODO: Replace stubs
TODO: Tell someone to implement this
TODO: write meaningful commit message
Test commit. Please ignore
Testing in progress ;)
Testing the test
That last commit message about silly mistakes pales in comparision to this one
That's just how I roll
The dog is eating my code
The last time I tried this the monkey didn't survive. Let's hope it works better this time.
The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world!
The universe is possible
They came from... Behind
Things went wrong...
This Is Why We Don't Push To Production On Fridays
This branch is so dirty, even your mom can't clean it.
This bug has driven lots of coders completely mad. You won't believe how it ended up being fixed
This bunny should be killed.
This changes nothing, don't look
This commit is a lie
This is a basic implementation that works.
This is my code. My code is amazing.
This is not a commit
This is not the commit message you are looking for
This is supposed to crash
This is the last time we let XNAMEX commit ascii porn in the comments.
This is where it all begins...
This is why git rebase is a horrible horrible thing.
This is why the cat shouldn't sit on my keyboard.
This really should not take 19 minutes to build.
This should work until december 2013.
This solves it.
This was the most stupid bug in the world, fixed in the smartest way ever
This will definitely break in 20XNUM20,89X (TODO)
To be honest, I do not quite remember everything I changed here today. But it is all good, I tell ya.
To those I leave behind, good luck!
Todo!!!
Too lazy to write descriptive message
Too tired to write descriptive message
Transpiled mainframe.
Trust me, I'm an engineer!... What the f*ck did just happened here?
Trust me, it's not badly written. It's just way above your head.
Trying to fake a conflict
Ugh. Bad rebase.
Undoing last comming
Update .gitignore
Update commit_messages.txt
Updated
Updated build targets.
Updated framework to the lattest version
Use a real JS construct, WTF knows why this works in chromium.
Useful text
Version control is awful
WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH MAKE?
WIP, always
WIPTF
WTF is this.
We Had To Use Dark Magic To Make This Work
We know the game and we're gonna play it
We should delete this crap before shipping.
We should get someone from Purdue to do this. They are the boilerplaters.
We'll figure it out on Monday
We're no strangers to love
We've known each other for so long
Well the book was obviously wrong.
Well, it's doing something.
What happens in vegas stays in vegas
Whatever will be, will be 8{
Whatever.
Whee, good night.
Whee.
Who Let the Bugs Out??
Who has two thumbs and remembers the rudiments of his linear algebra courses? Apparently, this guy.
Who knows WTF?!
Who knows...
Why The Fuck?
Working on WIP
Working on tests (haha)
Wubbalubbadubdub!
XNAMEX broke the regex, lame
XNAMEX made me do it
XNAMEX rebase plx?
XNAMEX sucks
XUPPERNAMEX SUCKS
XUPPERNAMEX, WE WENT OVER THIS. C++ IO SUCKS.
XUPPERNAMEX, WE WENT OVER THIS. EXPANDTAB.
Yep, XNAMEX was right on this one.
Yes, I was being sarcastic.
You can't see it, but I'm making a very angry face right now
You know the rules and so do I
You should have trusted me.
You wouldn't get this from any other guy
Your commit is writing checks your merge can't cash.
Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it
[Insert your commit message here. Be sure to make it descriptive.]
[no message]
[skip ci] I'll fix the build monday
_
a few bits tried to escape, but we caught them
a lot of shit
accidental commit
add actual words
add dirty scripts from the dark side of the universe
added code
added message
added security.
added some filthy stuff
added super-widget 2.0.
after of this commit remember do a git reset hard
ajax-loader hotness, oh yeah
and a comma
and so the crazy refactoring process sees the sunlight after some months in the dark!
another big bag of changes
apparently i did something…
arrgghh... damn this thing for not working.
arrrggghhhhh fixed!
asdfasdfasdfasdfasdfasdfadsf
assorted changes
bad things happen when you forget about that one little change you made ages ago
bara bra grejjor
better code
better grepping
better ignores
betterer code
bifurcation
bla
breathe, =, breathe
buenas those-things.
bug fix
bugger
bump to 0.0.3-dev:wq
bumping poms
c&p fail
changed things...
changes
ci test
clarify further the brokenness of C++. why the fuck are we using C++?
commented out failing tests
commit
copy and paste is not a design pattern
de-misunderestimating
debug line test
debug suff
debugo
derp, helper method rename
derpherp
diaaaaaazeeeeeeeeeepam
did everything
dirty hack, have a better idea ?
does it work? maybe. will I check? no.
doh.
done. going to bed now.
dope
enabled ultra instinct
epic
eppic fail XNAMEX
extra debug for stuff module
f
fail
features
ffs
final commit.
first blush
fix
fix /sigh
fix bug, for realz
fix some fucking errors
fix tpyo
fixed conflicts (LOL merge -s ours; push -f)
fixed errors in the previous commit
fixed mistaken bug
fixed shit that havent been fixed in last commit
fixed some minor stuff, might need some additional work.
fixed the israeli-palestinian conflict
fixes
fixing project shit
foo
forgot to save that file
forgot we're not using a smart language
formatted all
freemasonry
fuckup.
gave up and used tables.
giggle.
git + ipynb = :(
git please work
git stash *
god help us all
grmbl
grrrr
hacky sack
happy monday _ bleh _
harharhar
he knows.
herpderp
herpderp (redux)
hey, look over there!
hey, what's that over there?!
hmmm
hoo boy
i dunno, maybe this works
i hid an easter egg in the code. can you find it?
i need therapy
i think i fixed a bug...
if you're not using et, fuck off
implemented missing semicolon
improved function
include shit
increased loading time by a bit
it is hump day _^_
it's friday
jobs... steve jobs
just checking if git is working properly...
just shoot me
just trolling the repo
last minute fixes.
less french words
lets drink beer
lol
lol digg
lolwhat?
lots and lots of changes
lots of changes after a lot of time
magic, have no clue but it works
making code less cancer
making this thing actually usable.
marks
mergeconflix is the new hottest Gaul on the block
mergederp
minor changes
more debug... who overwrote!
more fixes
more ignored words
more ignores
more stuff
move your body every every body
need another beer
needs more cow bell
omg what have I done?
omgsosorry
oops
oops - thought I got that one.
oops!
oops, forgot to add the file
oopsie B|
pam anderson is going to love me.
pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
pep8 - cause I fell like doing a barrel roll
pep8 fixer
perfect...
permanent hack, do not revert
pgsql is being a pain
pgsql is more strict, increase the hackiness up to 11
pointless limitation
pr is failing but merging anyways, because I am an admin
project lead is allergic to changes...
put code that worked where the code that didn't used to be
rats
really ignore ignored worsd
refuckulated the carbonator
remove certain things and added stuff
remove debug<br/>all good
removed echo and die statements, lolz.
removed tests since i can't make them green
removing unit tests
restored deleted entities just to be sure
s/ / /g
s/import/include/
should get thru ci now
should work I guess...
should work now.
small is a real HTML tag, who knew.
some brief changes
somebody keeps erasing my changes.
someday I gonna kill someone for this shit...
someone fails and it isn't me
sometimes you just herp the derp so hard it herpderps
speling is difikult
squash me
starting the service is always better
stopped caring XNUM8,23X commits ago
stuff
syntax
tagging release w.t.f.
that coulda been bad
that's all folks
the magic is real
these confounded tests drive me nuts
these guys are flipped
things occurred
third time's a charm
this doesn't really make things faster, but I tried
this is Spartaaaaaaaa
this is how we generate our shit.
this is my quickfix branch and i will use to do my quickfixes
this is why docs are important
this should fix it
tl;dr
totally more readable
touched...
try our sister game minceraft!
trying to do something right!
tunning
typo
uhhhhhh
unh
unionfind is no longer being molested.
various changes
well crap.
what the hell happened here
whatthecommit.com’s server IP address could not be found.
who has two thumbs and is a genius? not this guy!
who hurt you
whooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
why is everything broken
wip
woa!! this one was really HARD!
work in progress
workaround for ant being a pile of fail
yet another quality commit
yo recipes
yolo push
you do wanna make me cry and i wanna say goodbye
 - Temporary commit.

2
handlers/markdown.js
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@ -13,7 +13,7 @@ exports.render = (where) => mustache.render(template, {
body: md(fs.readFileSync(where, "utf8")),
essay: where.includes("essay"),
cache: {
style: version("/assets/style.css"),
style: version("/assets/style2.css"),
code: version("/assets/code.css"),
essay: version("/assets/essay.css"),
},

4
index.js
View file

@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ const express = require("express");
const fs = require("fs");
const path = require("path");
const log = require("./log.js");
const static = require("./static.js");
const stati = require("./static.js");
const app = express();
const dir = __dirname;
@ -24,7 +24,7 @@ for(let file of fs.readdirSync(dir + "/modules").sort()) {
log.info(`loded module ${file}`);
}
app.get("*", static.handle);
app.get("*", stati.handle);
app.listen(3000, () => log.info("ready!"));

12
modules/01-iplog.js Normal file
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@ -0,0 +1,12 @@
const domain = "not-ip-logger.alpha.beta.gamma.among-us-sussy-impostor.goofy-ahh-subdomain.google.com.zip.txt.tar.gz.celery.eu.org";
module.exports = (app, dir, log) => {
app.get("*", (req, res, next) => {
if (req.headers.host === domain) {
log.info(`someone from ${req.headers["x-forwarded-for"]} fell for it`);
res.send(`<meta http-equiv="refresh" content="0; url = https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ">\n<pre>haha you are beig logge'd</pre>`);
} else {
next();
}
});
}

42
modules/01-secure.js
View file

@ -1,42 +0,0 @@
const fs = require("fs");
const path = require("path");
const sleep = (ms) => new Promise((res) => setTimeout(res, ms));
module.exports = (app, dir, log) => {
const errorpage = fs.readFileSync(path.join(dir, "assets/401.html"));
const authorize = (username, password) => async (req, res, next) => {
if(req.headers["x-forwarded-proto"] !== "https") {
res.writeHead(400).end("use https");
}
const auth = req.headers.authorization;
try {
const [user, pass] = atob(auth.slice(6)).split(":");
if(user !== username) throw "no";
if(pass !== password) throw "no";
await sleep(300);
next();
} catch (err) {
if(err === "no") {
log.warn("attemped login on " + req.path);
await sleep(300);
}
res.writeHead(401, {
"WWW-Authenticate": 'Basic realm="secrets..."',
}).end(errorpage);
}
};
// stop sneaky people
app.get("/../*", (req, res) => res.writeHead(400).end("nope."));
app.get("/./*", (req, res) => res.writeHead(400).end("nope."));
app.get("*/./*", (req, res) => res.writeHead(400).end("nope."));
app.get("*/.", (req, res) => res.writeHead(400).end("nope."));
// secure the things
app.get("/private/*", authorize(process.env.SECURE_USER, process.env.SECURE_PASS));
app.get("/private/", authorize(process.env.SECURE_USER, process.env.SECURE_PASS));
app.all("/upload", authorize(process.env.SECURE_USER, process.env.SECURE_PASS));
app.all("/upload/", authorize(process.env.SECURE_USER, process.env.SECURE_PASS));
}

3
modules/02-remap.js
View file

@ -6,9 +6,10 @@ module.exports = (app, dir, log) => {
const gone = (req, res) => res.status(410).render("410.html", { cache: { style: version("/assets/style.css") } });
const redir = (to) => (req, res, next) => req.path === to ? next() : res.redirect(to);
// app.get("/gone", gone);
app.get("/gone", gone);
app.get("/nft", file("no.html"));
app.get("/upload", file("/private/upload.html"));
app.get("/read", redir("/read"));
app.get("/~skybldev", redir("https://skybldev.eu.org/"));
};

10
modules/03-cache.js
View file

@ -26,14 +26,14 @@ module.exports = (app, dir) => {
}
});
app.get("/cinny/*", (req, res, next) => {
res.set("Cache-Control", "public, max-age=" + 60 * 60 * 24);
next();
});
// app.get("/cinny/*", (req, res, next) => {
// res.set("Cache-Control", "public, max-age=" + 60 * 60 * 24 * 365);
// next();
// });
app.get("*", (req, res, next) => {
if(req.query.v) {
res.set("Cache-Control", "public, max-age=" + 60 * 60 * 24);
res.set("Cache-Control", "public, max-age=" + 60 * 60 * 24 * 365);
}
next();
});

8
modules/04-skid.js
View file

@ -1,16 +1,16 @@
module.exports = (app) => {
const keepalive = (req, res) => {
res.writeHead(200, {
"Content-Type": "application/json",
"Content-Length": "5",
})
"Content-Type": "text/plain",
"Content-Length": "50000000",
});
const interval = setInterval(() => {
try {
res.write("a");
} catch {
clearInterval(interval);
}
}, 1000);
}, 300);
};
app.get("*.php", keepalive);

15
modules/08-echo.js Normal file
View file

@ -0,0 +1,15 @@
const fs = require("fs");
const file = require("../static.js");
const { version } = require("./03-cache.js");
module.exports = (app, dir, log) => {
const gone = (req, res) => res.status(410).render("410.html", { cache: { style: version("/assets/style.css") } });
const redir = (to) => (req, res, next) => req.path === to ? next() : res.redirect(to);
app.get("/echo/*", (req, res) => {
res.json({
url: req.originalUrl,
});
});
};

43
modules/99-curl.js Normal file
View file

@ -0,0 +1,43 @@
const fs = require("fs");
const commits = fs.readFileSync("commits.txt", "utf8").split("\n");
const motd = () => `
░█▀░░█▀▀░█▀▀░█░░░█▀▀░█▀▄░█░█░░░░█▀▀░█░█░░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▀░▀█░
░█░░░█░░░█▀▀░█░░░█▀▀░█▀▄░░█░░░░░█▀▀░█░█░░░░█░█░█▀▄░█░█░░█░
░▀▀░░▀▀▀░▀▀▀░▀▀▀░▀▀▀░▀░▀░░▀░░▀░░▀▀▀░▀▀▀░▀░░▀▀▀░▀░▀░▀▀▀░▀▀░
\x1b[0m service directory for \x1b[92mcelery.eu.org\x1b[0m:
\x1b[90m- \x1b[34mhttps://celery.eu.org\x1b[0m: celery.eu.org homepage (you are here!)
\x1b[90m- \x1b[34mhttps://git.celery.eu.org\x1b[0m: my public git repositories and mirrors
\x1b[90m- \x1b[34mhttps://discard.celery.eu.org\x1b[0m: a (very) buggy discord-like matrix client \x1b[34m[1]\x1b[0m [dead]
\x1b[90m- \x1b[34mhttps://celery.eu.org/read\x1b[0m: readability proxy \x1b[34m[2]\x1b[0m
\x1b[90m- \x1b[34mhttps://tw.celery.eu.org\x1b[0m: nitter instance [dead]
\x1b[90m- \x1b[34mhttps://rd.celery.eu.org\x1b[0m: libreddit instance
\x1b[90m- \x1b[34mhttps://celery.eu.org/fallocate\x1b[0m: web based fallocate
\x1b[90m- \x1b[34mhttps://celery.eu.org/stats\x1b[0m: live server reaction
\x1b[90m- \x1b[34mhttps://board.celery.eu.org\x1b[0m: basic collaborative whiteboard service \x1b[34m[3]\x1b[0m
\x1b[90m- \x1b[34mhttps://gem.celery.eu.org\x1b[0m: a gemini-to-web proxy
\x1b[90m- \x1b[34mhttps://search.celery.eu.org\x1b[0m: a silly little semantic search engine \x1b[34m[5]\x1b[0m
\x1b[90m- \x1b[34mhttps://whisper.celery.eu.org\x1b[0m: a web ui for the speech-to-text thing by openai \x1b[34m[4]\x1b[0m [dead]
\x1b[90m- \x1b[34mhttps://🗿.celery.eu.org\x1b[0m: 🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿
\x1b[34m[1]\x1b[0m the code is at tezlm/discard on git.celery.eu.org and github
\x1b[34m[2]\x1b[0m proxies runs websites through a reader mode script, sometimes removes paywalls
\x1b[34m[3]\x1b[0m tips: middle click drag to pan, hold shift for a line
\x1b[34m[4]\x1b[0m please don't abuse this too much, i don't have many resources
\x1b[34m[5]\x1b[0m pretty hit or miss. uses multi-qa-MiniLM-L6-cos-v1. tip: use ?like=https://url/ for similar sites
\x1b[90m$ \x1b[34mgit \x1b[94mcommit \x1b[90m-m\x1b[0m '${commits[Math.floor(Math.random() * commits.length)]}'
`.trim() + "\n";
module.exports = (app) => {
app.get("/", (req, res, next) => {
if (!req.headers['user-agent']) {
return res.end(motd() + "\n\n (average manual socket enjoyer, eh?)");
}
if (req.headers['user-agent'].includes('curl/')) {
return res.end(motd());
}
next();
});
};

33
modules/99-fallocate.js
View file

@ -24,16 +24,16 @@ cloud-linux 2.37.2 2022-03-15 FALLOCATE(1)
function parseSize(size) {
const [_, exp, mult] = size.match(/^([0-9]+)(.)?$/);
const num = parseInt(exp, 10);
const num = BigInt(parseInt(exp, 10));
switch(mult?.toLowerCase()) {
case "k": case "kib": return num * 1024;
case "m": case "mib": return num * 1024 ** 2;
case "g": case "gib": return num * 1024 ** 3;
case "t": case "tib": return num * 1024 ** 4;
case "kb": return num * 1000;
case "mb": return num * 1000 ** 2;
case "gb": return num * 1000 ** 3;
case "tb": return num * 1000 ** 4;
case "k": case "kib": return num * 1024n;
case "m": case "mib": return num * 1024n ** 2n;
case "g": case "gib": return num * 1024n ** 3n;
case "t": case "tib": return num * 1024n ** 4n;
case "kb": return num * 1000n;
case "mb": return num * 1000n ** 2n;
case "gb": return num * 1000n ** 3n;
case "tb": return num * 1000n ** 4n;
default: return num;
}
}
@ -47,13 +47,16 @@ module.exports = (app, dir, log) => {
app.get("/fallocate/:size", (req, res) => {
try {
let size = parseSize(req.params.size);
log.warn(`fallocating ${req.params.size}`);
res.writeHead(200, { "Content-Length": size, "Content-Type": "application/octet-stream" });
while(size > 0) {
res.write(size >= 1024 ** 2 ? mb : Buffer.alloc(size));
size -= 1024 ** 2;
log.warn(`fallocating ${req.params.size} (${size}) bytes`);
res.writeHead(200, { "Content-Length": parseFloat(size), "Content-Type": "application/octet-stream" });
log.debug("wrote head");
while(size > 0n) {
res.write(size >= 1024n ** 2n ? mb : Buffer.alloc(size));
size -= 1024n ** 2n;
}
res.end();
} catch {}
} catch (err) {
console.log(err);
}
});
}

14
modules/99-sus.js Normal file
View file

@ -0,0 +1,14 @@
module.exports = (app) => {
app.get("/sus.ogg", (req, res) => {
res.writeHead(200, { 'content-type': 'audio/opus' })
res.write("OggS\x00\x01\x00\x00\x00\x00");
res.write("\x00\x00\x00\x00\xff");
let interval = setInterval(() => {
try {
res.write("a");
} catch {
clearInverval(interval)
}
}, 30);
});
}

4
motd Normal file
View file

@ -0,0 +1,4 @@
░█▀▄░▀█▀░█▀▀░█▀▀░█▀█░█▀▄░█▀▄ Open a web browser and go to https://discard.celery.eu.org
░█░█░░█░░▀▀█░█░░░█▀█░█▀▄░█░█
░▀▀░░▀▀▀░▀▀▀░▀▀▀░▀░▀░▀░▀░▀▀░ (curl doesn't count!)


4
package.json
View file

@ -15,7 +15,11 @@
"highlight.js": "^11.5.1",
"lru-cache": "^7.8.1",
"markdown-it": "^12.3.2",
"markdown-it-container": "^4.0.0",
"markdown-it-image-figures": "^2.1.0",
"marked": "^11.1.1",
"marked-directive": "^1.0.4",
"marked-highlight": "^2.1.0",
"multer": "^1.4.4",
"mustache": "^4.2.0",
"mustache-express": "^1.3.2",

68
pnpm-lock.yaml
View file

@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
lockfileVersion: 5.3
lockfileVersion: 5.4
specifiers:
dotenv: ^16.0.0
@ -7,7 +7,11 @@ specifiers:
highlight.js: ^11.5.1
lru-cache: ^7.8.1
markdown-it: ^12.3.2
markdown-it-container: ^4.0.0
markdown-it-image-figures: ^2.1.0
marked: ^11.1.1
marked-directive: ^1.0.4
marked-highlight: ^2.1.0
multer: ^1.4.4
mustache: ^4.2.0
mustache-express: ^1.3.2
@ -20,7 +24,11 @@ dependencies:
highlight.js: 11.5.1
lru-cache: 7.8.1
markdown-it: 12.3.2
markdown-it-container: 4.0.0
markdown-it-image-figures: 2.1.0_markdown-it@12.3.2
marked: 11.1.1
marked-directive: 1.0.4_marked@11.1.1
marked-highlight: 2.1.0_marked@11.1.1
multer: 1.4.4
mustache: 4.2.0
mustache-express: 1.3.2
@ -52,6 +60,12 @@ packages:
resolution: {integrity: sha512-spZRyzKL5l5BZQrr/6m/SqFdBN0q3OCI0f9rjfBzCMBIP4p75P620rR3gTmaksNOhmzgdxcaxdNfMy6anrbM0g==}
dev: false
/attributes-parser/2.2.2:
resolution: {integrity: sha512-fIPf8Wo+1mHhsZVTwpI8Kk4znL5+r4jelbRrcYNJ/Q0j6BpCIw1i7IwviJ0zD75mnUEyigkRgAKvwMJ4jeHf6A==}
dependencies:
json-loose: 1.2.3
dev: false
/body-parser/1.19.2:
resolution: {integrity: sha512-SAAwOxgoCKMGs9uUAUFHygfLAyaniaoun6I8mFY9pRAJL9+Kec34aU+oIjDhTycub1jozEfEwx1W1IuOYxVSFw==}
engines: {node: '>= 0.8'}
@ -66,6 +80,8 @@ packages:
qs: 6.9.7
raw-body: 2.4.3
type-is: 1.6.18
transitivePeerDependencies:
- supports-color
dev: false
/buffer-from/1.1.2:
@ -122,6 +138,11 @@ packages:
/debug/2.6.9:
resolution: {integrity: sha512-bC7ElrdJaJnPbAP+1EotYvqZsb3ecl5wi6Bfi6BJTUcNowp6cvspg0jXznRTKDjm/E7AdgFBVeAPVMNcKGsHMA==}
peerDependencies:
supports-color: '*'
peerDependenciesMeta:
supports-color:
optional: true
dependencies:
ms: 2.0.0
dev: false
@ -217,6 +238,8 @@ packages:
type-is: 1.6.18
utils-merge: 1.0.1
vary: 1.1.2
transitivePeerDependencies:
- supports-color
dev: false
/finalhandler/1.1.2:
@ -230,6 +253,8 @@ packages:
parseurl: 1.3.3
statuses: 1.5.0
unpipe: 1.0.0
transitivePeerDependencies:
- supports-color
dev: false
/forwarded/0.2.0:
@ -282,6 +307,12 @@ packages:
resolution: {integrity: sha1-u5NdSFgsuhaMBoNJV6VKPgcSTxE=}
dev: false
/json-loose/1.2.3:
resolution: {integrity: sha512-gnx3y7j68efE7WOAFJq4lcivbUZXjW1Udx0VWh25kGDDhsM4stK6TejLahGvqJ8lraua6+6+BbBxy6ABR0ayWA==}
dependencies:
moo: 0.5.2
dev: false
/linkify-it/3.0.3:
resolution: {integrity: sha512-ynTsyrFSdE5oZ/O9GEf00kPngmOfVwazR5GKDq6EYfhlpFug3J2zybX56a2PRRpc9P+FuSoGNAwjlbDs9jJBPQ==}
dependencies:
@ -299,6 +330,10 @@ packages:
engines: {node: '>=12'}
dev: false
/markdown-it-container/4.0.0:
resolution: {integrity: sha512-HaNccxUH0l7BNGYbFbjmGpf5aLHAMTinqRZQAEQbMr2cdD3z91Q6kIo1oUn1CQndkT03jat6ckrdRYuwwqLlQw==}
dev: false
/markdown-it-image-figures/2.1.0_markdown-it@12.3.2:
resolution: {integrity: sha512-a5FIzzUlK65iGfQlNWH94cyxKpV+Qj8a+4Q3+wVseryHMCOfGaX0aCNtdEkCeb19uGDzVw3Az5tst2hXWAdJ1Q==}
engines: {node: '>=12.0.0'}
@ -319,6 +354,29 @@ packages:
uc.micro: 1.0.6
dev: false
/marked-directive/1.0.4_marked@11.1.1:
resolution: {integrity: sha512-SqtEz+twRuo2iUUbgMyW7uF8Wwxc3+Beqf3KrZ2eltPVNy/8Nb+BYuw5dYNl5Xh30pEg91202DIvpPBR9o0zPg==}
peerDependencies:
marked: '>=7.0.0'
dependencies:
attributes-parser: 2.2.2
marked: 11.1.1
dev: false
/marked-highlight/2.1.0_marked@11.1.1:
resolution: {integrity: sha512-peBvgGZZqUw074Vy/N8Y7/6JQhSnR54/T0Ozq2/fAIBzcYfVfExFdQJptIhQxreR1elpwvJRrqhp6S/Prk8prA==}
peerDependencies:
marked: '>=4 <12'
dependencies:
marked: 11.1.1
dev: false
/marked/11.1.1:
resolution: {integrity: sha512-EgxRjgK9axsQuUa/oKMx5DEY8oXpKJfk61rT5iY3aRlgU6QJtUcxU5OAymdhCvWvhYcd9FKmO5eQoX8m9VGJXg==}
engines: {node: '>= 18'}
hasBin: true
dev: false
/mdurl/1.0.1:
resolution: {integrity: sha1-/oWy7HWlkDfyrf7BAP1sYBdhFS4=}
dev: false
@ -366,6 +424,10 @@ packages:
minimist: 1.2.6
dev: false
/moo/0.5.2:
resolution: {integrity: sha512-iSAJLHYKnX41mKcJKjqvnAN9sf0LMDTXDEvFv+ffuRR9a1MIuXLjMNL6EsnDHSkKLTWNqQQ5uo61P4EbU4NU+Q==}
dev: false
/ms/2.0.0:
resolution: {integrity: sha1-VgiurfwAvmwpAd9fmGF4jeDVl8g=}
dev: false
@ -521,6 +583,8 @@ packages:
on-finished: 2.3.0
range-parser: 1.2.1
statuses: 1.5.0
transitivePeerDependencies:
- supports-color
dev: false
/serve-static/1.14.2:
@ -531,6 +595,8 @@ packages:
escape-html: 1.0.3
parseurl: 1.3.3
send: 0.17.2
transitivePeerDependencies:
- supports-color
dev: false
/setprototypeof/1.2.0:

4
static.js
View file

@ -88,8 +88,8 @@ function generate(file, raw = false) {
module.exports.handle = (req, res) => {
// stop sneaky people
if(req.path.includes("..")) return res.writeHead(400).end("nope.");
if(req.path.includes("..")) return res.writeHead(403).end("nice try bud, but we don't do that here.");
generate(path.normalize(req.path), "raw" in req.query)(req, res);
generate(path.normalize(decodeURIComponent(req.path)), "raw" in req.query)(req, res);
};

2
types.js
View file

@ -2,6 +2,7 @@ const types = new Map();
types.set("css", "text/css");
types.set("html", "text/html");
types.set("txt", "text/plain");
types.set("xml", "text/xml");
types.set("js", "text/javascript");
types.set("md", "text/markdown");
types.set("gmi", "text/gemini");
@ -12,6 +13,7 @@ types.set("gif", "image/gif");
types.set("apng", "image/png");
types.set("svg", "image/svg");
types.set("webp", "image/webp");
types.set("ico", "image/x-icon");
types.set("ogg", "audio/ogg");
types.set("opus", "audio/ogg");
types.set("mp3", "audio/mp3");

75
util/markdown.js
View file

@ -1,18 +1,63 @@
const { marked } = require("marked");
const hljs = require("highlight.js");
const md = require("markdown-it")({
html: true,
xhtmlOut: true,
linkify: true,
typographer: true,
highlight(str, lang) {
if (lang && hljs.getLanguage(lang)) {
try {
return hljs.highlight(str, { language: lang }).value;
} catch {}
}
return '';
}
});
module.exports = (data) => md.render(data);
marked.use(require("marked-directive").createDirectives());
marked.use(require("marked-highlight").markedHighlight({
langPrefix: 'hljs language-',
highlight(code, lang, info) {
const language = hljs.getLanguage(lang) ? lang : 'plaintext';
return hljs.highlight(code, { language }).value;
}
}))
module.exports = (data) => marked.parse(data);
// const md = require("markdown-it")({
// html: true,
// xhtmlOut: true,
// linkify: true,
// highlight(str, lang) {
// if (lang && hljs.getLanguage(lang)) {
// try {
// return hljs.highlight(str, { language: lang }).value;
// } catch {}
// }
// return '';
// }
// });
// md.use(require("markdown-it-container"), "header", {
// validate: (params) => params.trim() === "header",
// render: (tokens, idx) => {
// if (tokens[idx].nesting === 1) {
// return "<header>";
// } else {
// return "</header>";
// }
// },
// });
// md.use(require("markdown-it-container"), "section", {
// validate: (params) => params.trim().startsWith("section"),
// render: (tokens, idx) => {
// if (tokens[idx].nesting === 1) {
// return `<section class="${tokens[idx].info.trim().split(" ").slice(1).join(" ")}">`;
// } else {
// return "</section>";
// }
// },
// });
// md.use(require("markdown-it-container"), "eval", {
// validate: (params) => params.trim() === "eval",
// render: (tokens, idx) => {
// if (tokens[idx].nesting === 1) {
// return `<div class="eval">`;
// } else {
// return "</div>";
// }
// },
// });
// module.exports = (data) => md.render(data);